So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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