Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
