Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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