I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor