I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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