She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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