just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.