dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
