i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
