i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
