so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize