my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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