okay pat passed out under dana's car
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
