GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
