I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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