did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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