she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
