if you like me you must not know who I am
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
