Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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