saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
