I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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