You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
