Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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