It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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