well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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