I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
pop tarts are not kleenex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
