Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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