Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
honey bunches of taint.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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