is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize