I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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