party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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