I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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