Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
