I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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