You're earring is so big in my mouth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
