What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
