She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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