hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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