I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
