my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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