He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
