Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
