Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
