I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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