i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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