we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
