sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
