dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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