I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
