dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
