as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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