I hope mine doesn't look like that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
