I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize