She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
