mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
