Will you blow on my dice?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
