Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
