I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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