I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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