Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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