all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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