I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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