We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
