What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
