Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
