i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
