I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
