So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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