there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
