What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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