there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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