I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize