Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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