Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
