If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
