I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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