There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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