i already hear my dad disowning me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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