Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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